Getting through the Newlywed Shock

Updated: Sep 1, 2019

Walking down the aisle was one of the most beautiful moments ever. The first year of been married as a couple is what I would call the ‘teething period’ – where you are just discovering a lot more about each other. We also find that other couples experience the first few years of newlywed shock, and looking back at my first year of been married, I discovered few principles that helped us get through our newlywed shock period which might be helpful to you too.

#C O M M U N I C A T I O N I S K E Y

It is common for both individuals to have different notions about marriage. However, the first year of marriage is the foundation year to build a healthy communication. I remember during our first year, we would argue over how we understood things should be, which at times caused misunderstandings i.e. during my pregnancy, I expected him to be more involved and would think he intentionally wasn’t bothered about my pregnancy process. After calmly discussing this issue with him, I realised that he just wasn't aware of certain things to do, which he later understood how best he can be of support. Therefore patient and thinking before speaking without any assumptions was a big lesson for me. My words and anger would have possibly hurt his feelings and might have affected other aspects of our relationship, causing a big damage to our marriage.

#L E T I T G O

During our first year together I had to let go of a lot of things. There are little things I had to overlook which would really not make sense to me in the way he did things. Sometimes he would fall asleep with the TV on or leaving empty bottled water laying around. So I had to let go of a lot of things: mostly to do with control over how things were done around the house. I decided that rather than creating conflict over these simple and small things, instead focused my energy on trying to make our home a good place for both of us to live in.

#S E T A R O U T I N E

As a newly married couple, it is important to find a routine that suits both of you. I and husband both own a business which could at times become hectic for both of us. Due to our different schedules, we were unable to spend quality time and so after some discussion, we decided to schedule a weekend in a month to either hang out, cook together, watch football, or discuss family goals. That way, we were having a bit of quality time together, while supporting each other’s business. Having a routine that meets all our needs is sometimes hard to get, but it’s so worth it.

#E N J O Y E V E R Y M O M E N T

First year should be the year as a couple to explore things together and have fun, most especially when you have no commitments like children or owning a home yet. I wish we would have enjoyed our freedom more in our first year, because now that we have kids and financial responsibilities, we have to be more mindful. Few things we are not able to do more often like before i.e. movies, going out to dinner etc and so things become a bit complicated when children/responsibilities come in the picture.

“Appreciate the good times; and soldier through the bad".

- Lawunmi Adeniyi -


London United Kingdom

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